


Keepsake

by evarosen, pillstaker



Category: Terminator Genisys (2015)
Genre: (at least one does), Heavy Angst, John is a Mess, John is a creep, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything, seriously John wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:19:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evarosen/pseuds/evarosen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pillstaker/pseuds/pillstaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kyle is gone, John won't have a picture of him. John won't have anything but memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keepsake

I'm keeping this as a keepsake  
and everything else I'm burning --The Frames, "Keepsake"

When Kyle is gone, John won't have a picture of him. He won't have a body to bury; technically, Kyle won't even be dead, just...gone.

Gone for and because of John, who's hoarded every single moment he's had outside battle for the last few days, and still doesn't seem like enough.

John looks at him, and sometimes still sees the wide-eyed kid he rescued, still feels the soft weight of his small hand on his; and he needs to stop and see him as he is now, because he won't have that many chances anymore.

_Just gone._

*

The briefing is over. It wasn't really necessary; John knows they'll win. Another victory, and then a few more, and then...secure the victories. That's how he'll say it.

John knows Kyle has noticed something's wrong; but he doesn't know it's almost over (more than the eternal possibility of everything being over every time they leave to fight another day, of course), so he might take it as unease over the incoming mission or tireness, or even as John regretting having parted with his mother's picture.

John guesses the last one because Kyle has taken it out of his pocket, and is alternatively looking at it and John in a hesitant way.

John wordlessly puts his fingers over Kyle's hand, and presses lightly, nodding.

_I want you to have it._

Kyle nods back, but doesn't remove his hand from under John's; instead he loosens his grip enough to take the picture with the other one and put it back on his pocket.

John traces the back of Kyle's hand with his tumb, absently; and then he notices a small bump on the skin, a small scar not visible but only noticeable through touch.

He must have been with Kyle when he got it, or perhaps not; perhaps he was elsewhere, keeping tabs but not close enough because he knew he could be certain...

"John, is something wrong?"

John blinks, and Kyle is looking at him, his face soft and kind and concerned; and John shakes his head and reaches out, touches his cheek and leans forward, leaning his forehead against Kyle's.

"John..."

"Shh. Just let me..." John closes his eyes, and traces Kyle's face with his fingertips, like a blind man would, slowly. It takes a while, and somewhere along the way Kyle starts trembling, subtly but unmistakably, this close together.

"John..." Kyle repeats, his breath warm against John's face, smelling of the few drinks they shared together, and perhaps is that what makes him brave enough to close the distance.

John is at the same time surprised and not. He supposes he hasn't allowed himself to consider, what could keep Kyle at his side except blind loyalty, what could be read in all the innocuous touches they share, if perhaps John only considered them that way because of what he knew.

And oh, he doesn't want this; but he can't give Kyle what _he_ wants either, so perhaps they should meet in the middle, as they always have.

He doesn't pull back.

*

John is gentle, as gentle as he can, because this is the first and the last time he'll ever touch Kyle like this. It has to last forever.

John is gentle, because he's the one doing this. He's doing everything, Kyle has no guilt.

And that is another lie. Kyle is almost frantic, leaving bruises all over, careless on his pent-up want; but tomorrow there will be a battle, and the day past tomorrow, who would be able to say where all of John's bruises might have come from?

John has been called a prophet; even a messiah. Whatever he says, it's true. It becomes the truth.

So if John is the messiah, Kyle is...Kyle is blameless.

Kyle clings to John on his sleep, and John clings back, eyes dry and wide open in the dark. 

Tomorrow, it will be but a memory. In a little time, it will be only John's. 

John closes his eyes, feeling Kyle's heart beating against his, and half wishes this really was the worst thing he's ever done.


End file.
